Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
