I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
