I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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