there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
