I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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