you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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