then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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