I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
