You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
