Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
