I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize