Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
