I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
