mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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