I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
