Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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