Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
