Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There r osticjed everywhere
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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