I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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