new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
