tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
