from now on my penis is your penis
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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