I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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