oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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