he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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