My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize