Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
