just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
