last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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