i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wear drunk well.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
