this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont even know how to be here
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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