Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
