When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
