I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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