we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
