Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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