you will always have a special place in my vag
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
