my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
