he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
