we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
