I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
