Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize