we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
should my penis look like a turkey
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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