Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
