i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
