I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
