I wish my penis had an off switch
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
