Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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