Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
