PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nutella sex= disaster
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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