just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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