You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
