Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
