I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize