And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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