I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
