Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize