girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
