omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
