It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
