just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have aggressive nipples.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
