Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
