i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
