I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
