I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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